One time, I sent this facebook message:
I’m [redacted]’s younger sister. [redacted] really cares about you and considers you to be a good friend. I know that you and your family have taken care of her (and her dog) and that you probably consider her to be one of your good friends as well.
It has come to my attention that you have said some racially insensitive things in the past and I would like to assist you in understanding why they are problematic. Please note that this is not a mean-spirited attack. I genuinely believe that you mean well but intent doesn’t really matter.
First, your facebook comment about seeing a roach and thinking you were in Africa was not acceptable. It didn’t make any sense (roaches are obviously found all over the world. usually in cities such as chicago.) and it was incredibly rude. Africa is not equal to filth.
Second, the way that you deal with the situation of disclosing your parents’ racism was inappropriate.* I am sure that it hurts to realize that your father, someone who you love dearly, is capable of hating someone based solely on skin color. But don’t you think that it hurt [redacted] and her friends of color even more? Do you realize that by crying and making yourself into a victim, you are forcing [redacted] and her friends to put your feelings above their own. And your feelings did not matter in that situation.
I am giving you a list of links that discuss the basis of these issues. I hope that you read through some of these and learn something.
Understanding White Privilege:
Being colorblind/having black friends:
first of all, my father doesn’t hate people of color. Hate is a strong word. Second, I said “like a roach in Africa” not in regards to “dirty” but I said that bc I know Africa has some big insects and I was talking about the size not bc I think it is a dirty country.** I do not know you at all, and for you to make judgment on me and my family, out of know where too, is inappropriate and hurtful, especially bc you do not even know me. This message came out of the blue. Thanks for trying to help, but more than anything, this was offensive to me and upsetting. Talk to the person directly first, before you pass judgment.
Then she blocked me on facebook.
*Her father made clear that he would disown her if she dated a person of color. He also yelled at her for wearing an Obama shirt. His son-in-law smokes pot in their home and has NEVER held a job but he’s white and republican so he’s cool.
**Africa is not a country. Also, Australia is the one with the big insects. I know this can be confusing when you are an idiot.